Clearing a loved one’s home after death can be an extremely challenging task. It’s completely understandable to feel emotionally overwhelmed—regardless of whether your relationship with the deceased was positive or difficult. Going through their belongings adds another layer to the grieving process. It means saying goodbye over and over again. You’re constantly reminded of their life and your feelings about them and their death.
There’s no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to handle their possessions, but I’ve put together some tips—drawn from personal experience—that might help ease the process.
If, like me, you’ve been given the responsibility of sorting through someone’s belongings after they’ve passed, you may face a few hurdles. Working alone can be simpler in some ways—you don’t need to factor in others’ opinions or schedules. But it also means facing it all on your own. If you’re working with family members or other executors, a whole new set of complications can arise.
Establishing Boundaries When Working with Others is Crucial
When downsizing a home with others, it helps to set clear boundaries early on. Open conversations at the beginning will ensure everyone is on the same page. Doing this will help clarify how each task will be handled, and by whom.
Set a Timeline
Agreeing on a timeline in those first discussions can help avoid misunderstandings later. You might decide on a timeframe of 4 to 6 weeks from start to finish. Or you may agree to take your time over the course of a year. If others want it done sooner, consider bringing in a Professional Organiser—or asking them to assist with specific tasks.
Discuss Values and Priorities
It’s also important to talk about each person’s values and priorities. Some may want to finish the process quickly and focus on efficiency. Others might prefer to rehome items carefully and reduce waste. This could be because it’s emotionally difficult to let go, or they care about recycling and avoiding landfill.
These different perspectives can often lead to conflict. Being aware of them upfront can help smooth communication. It also allows you to find a way forward that respects everyone’s needs.
How to Address the Differing Priorities Within the Family
If someone is passionate about rehoming items, they could be in charge of listing them online or arranging charity pickups. This ensures things go to the right people and gives that person a meaningful role.
You might also photograph items destined for charity and create a designated table for packing donations. Another family member or friend might sort through the home for sentimental pieces or set items aside for specific people.
I’ve also written a blog on decluttering and value-aligned donation options that you might find helpful.
Use Technology to Assist
Ideally, everyone would go through the home together. That way, each person can note items they want to keep.
If that’s not possible, virtual walkthroughs can still work. Go through each room on video, asking what people would like to keep or flag. You can also do follow-up Zoom calls room by room as you progress.
Set Guidelines Around What to Do with the Things That Aren’t Being Kept
It’s helpful to set guidelines early about what happens to items no one wants to keep. What’s immediate rubbish? What can easily be donated—like kitchenware? Maybe there are categories that no one is interested in claiming. Write these down.
This can help reduce confusion and prevent sentimental items from being accidentally discarded. Having these rules in place from the start can make things much smoother—especially if there’s pressure to clear the house quickly.
Finding Treasures
Finding meaningful treasures during this process can be emotional. Deciding what to keep and what to release is not always easy. Try looking for things that bring you joy or remind you of good times. You might decide to keep just five items that light you up.
Once you’ve chosen those treasures, think about how much you’re willing to bring into your home. One helpful strategy is to use a “one in, one out” rule. For example, if you keep a new dinner set, consider donating the one you already own.
This approach helps make room for new things without cluttering your space. It’s a thoughtful way to honour the person who passed while also protecting your own home environment.
Storage as an Option
If you’re not ready to decide on some items, bringing them home to sort through later is completely fine.
Sometimes, using a storage shed may be needed. Just keep in mind—long-term storage can get expensive and may not be a great long-term solution. You might set a review date in 3 or 6 months to revisit those items with a clearer head.
Additional Resources
Below is a helpful website with a checklist of important steps to take when someone passes away:
Lastly, remember: everyone grieves differently. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to this process.
Do what feels right for you. Take your time, look after yourself, and know that it’s okay to move through this at your own pace.
Do you have any learnings around dealing with deceased estates that you wish to share? Head to the WellSorted Group Facebook Page and leave us a note.
